


Carmen

by usernamewho



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2019-11-26 14:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18181859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usernamewho/pseuds/usernamewho
Summary: After a battle went south, Lance doubts on his place in Voltron. He realizes how little the others seem to care about him, and falls headfirst into depression once more. When they near another planet, will everything be all fun and games? Or will Lance succumb to his self-hatred that almost took his life so many years ago?Based on the song Carmen by Lana Del Rey, but not a songfic.





	1. Darling, Darling

It was after another fight with Galra, one they had barely won, when Lance had felt himself breaking. When they had heard the alarm go off, they tried the best they could to protect the alien race they were hoping to protect, but to no avail. Plainly speaking, it was a massacre, ending up with the blood of their allies seeping into the war-torn dirt. 

Still processing the events, his memories came back in blurs, horrifying him to no end. He remembered as he saw a young child shot mercilessly. The image would follow him for the rest of his life. To top it all off, it was his fault the mission had failed so horrifically.

If only he had woke up just a little bit earlier, maybe they could have prevented this whole mess. It was his fault, if he could have just got into his lion a second earlier, maybe they would have enough time to do something at least—whether it be fighting or retreating. If only if he hadn’t been in the training room in the middle of the night, trying his best to prepare for the upcoming battles. If only he didn’t have to fight the next day, eyes blurred with exhaustion.

He knew the others thought it was his fault too. Lance heard as Keith made scathing remarks to Shiro, most likely telling him about his poor performance that day. To top it all off, Allura’s sighs of frustration meant that he was going to be getting a lecture the next time he saw her. It was going to be soon anyway, they had a group training session after the utter disaster that was yesterday. 

It wasn’t in his favor to be late, already being the seventh wheel. Despite what they may say about him, he wasn’t the type of person to ditch practice to go do a face mask. Well, they’ll just believe what they hear.

Walking into the training room, Lance found that he was the only one there, besides Shiro and Allura of course. He meandered over to the corner, waiting for the rest to arrive.

They all filed in, with Keith, hair still dripping after a shower, coming in right after him. Hunk arrived later, followed by Pidge. No one seemed to acknowledge his presence, not even Hunk, who was preoccupied with talking to Pidge, probably about something scientific that was too hard for him to understand. It wasn’t like he would ignore him on purpose, right? After all, he was Hunk, the kindest, most caring person in the universe.

“I guess we’re still waiting on Lance, as always. He’s probably off doing another face mask,” Keith said.

“Well, if he doesn’t choose to arrive in the next few doblashes, we’ll start without him,” Allura murmured. “ I must really talk to him about his behavior.”

He was debating whether to answer or not. Did they really think that lowly of him? Yeah, sure he was late a few times, but what person hasn’t done that?

“Hi guys, I’m here,” Lance said loudly, making his classic finger guns. “I bet y’all didn’t notice I was here. Makes a statement about my awesome sharpshooter skills.”

Pidge scoffed. “Nice try Lance, but we really know that you were just sleeping in or something.”

“I really was here earlier than you, basically all of you,” Lance protested. “Did you guys really not notice?” 

Sighing, Allura said, “Cut it out Lance, we all know you are lying. Let’s just start now, before we can waste any more time. Start training level 5.”

Training bots filled the room and the Paladins rushed to pull out their bayards, beginning to fight immediately. Hardly a minute had passed before shots erupted loudly, with Pidge giving a yelp of pain. In his haste to prove himself, he hadn’t seen Pidge running towards him while taking his shot.

“Someone get Pidge to a pod. Lance, I need to speak to you for a second,” Shiro barked.

If he could feel worse, Lance would. Had he been so careless in his mission to prove himself that he had hurt one of his teammates? It was an honest mistake, just a matter of bad timing, but when it came down to it, he knew that it was his fault. There were so many other things he could do, and instead, he shot his own teammate.

“Nice going, Lance,” Keith muttered. Everyone remaining left the room, except for Shiro. He walked towards him, with a questioning face.

“Is everything okay, Lance? Do you feel alright?” he asked. Finally, someone had understood what he had been going through and how much he had been struggling with his mental health! Although he knew everything wasn’t fine, he didn’t want to trouble Shiro more than he does normally.

“Yeah, everything is fine.”  
“If it is, then I really need you to be training more. I can see that you are falling behind everyone, especially today, hitting Pidge. I want to see you in here more often, like Keith. If that’s all, then you are free to go.” Shiro strides out of the room, unknowingly destroying more and more of Lance’s self-esteem, tearing down the little he had left.

Out of all people, he thought Shiro would understand. Was the wall he had between himself and the others that strong? Or did they just not care? With these thoughts, he left the room.

Lance was walking down the hall when Allura stopped him. He knew what she wanted, and he was so tired that he couldn’t put up a fight. He hadn’t noticed that she was lecturing him until he heard her scream his name.

“Lance, are you even listening? You had cost us that battle and resulted in the deaths of thousands. I hope you take this time to think about the consequences of your actions.” 

At this point, Lance was just so tired. He was tired of this war he was fighting, one that he never wanted in on anyways. He was tired of all the death, and he was tired of living for other people. But if that was his only purpose, he just had to keep on going.

“Yes, Allura. Have I mentioned that your eyes look beautiful today?” Lance said with a wink.

“Lance, seriously. I don’t know what I expected of you.” With this, she went off someone, presumably to go to talk to Shiro. Of course, she had more important things to do than talk to him.

Lance went to his bedroom, stewing in his thoughts. Was he really that annoying? He thought back to every time his teammates criticized him. Why had he never realized? To be fair, he thought they were jokes, albeit mean. He had the overwhelming urge to do something, something that he hadn’t done for a long time. His fingers twitched, missing the cold steel of a razor. He wasn’t the same person, he was happier, he had friends—so why did he feel like this? 

As he laid down to rest, he heard Hunk’s excited yelling. They were nearing a new planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed that. Sorry if it feels a bit generic right now, the story will get more exciting later on (that is, if you guys want me to write more). Thanks for reading and comment any suggestions. You can ask me anything, even if it isn't fic or even Voltron related. Advice is totally appreciated!


	2. Doesn’t have a problem lying to [himself]

Lance woke up to Hunk standing over him, practically panting with excitement. Looks like they found the planet with all the ingredients he wanted to try out.

“Hey Lance, how are you doing? We’re finally at Tojse and Allura just told me to woke you up.”

Of course, Allura did, it wasn’t like Hunk would spend time waking him up on his own volition, not when he could have been talking to Pidge. He wondered sometimes if Hunk still considered him his best friend, or if that role had been given to Pidge instead. Instinctively he knew that Hunk would always be his best friend and vice versa, but it didn’t seem like that anymore.

“Ugh, fine, I’m coming. I have to get my beauty sleep somehow.” With a groan, Lance lurched to his feet and followed Hunk into the hall. 

They reached the hangers last, with everyone there already waiting for them. It was going to be another diplomatic mission, this time with the race of the Tolitons. Hopefully, he wouldn’t screw it up for the whole team, but hey, he made no promises.

“Good morning, or afternoon and whatever? What are we doing today?” Lance questioned.

Shiro sighed. “If you had listened yesterday, you would’ve known that we’re going on a diplomatic mission.”

“I mean, of course, I knew that, but like what exactly? Like, is there some super secret custom or something that I’m supposed to know? If I manage to offend them because of some kind of thing I was supposed to be told earlier, it’s not my fault.” 

“Oh shut it, Lance,” Keith said.

“You shut it, Mullet.” 

Ignoring both of them, Allura says, “Coran, will we need our helmets for this mission, or will we be able to leave them behind?”

“Well, the air composition is similar to the one in the Castle, so you guys should all be fine,” Coran mused. “I doubt you guys will come across anything highly toxic, as this is a peaceful planet.”

When they had landed, they were immediately greeted by the King of the Tolitons. Although they had a vaguely humanoid form, they were significantly taller and had cerulean blue skin, almost as blue as Lance’s eyes.

Allura was the one to introduce them. “Hello, I am Allura, princess of Altea. These are the pilots of Voltron, and Shiro here is the leader.” 

“Please to make your acquaintance. We welcome you with open arms. Saej, please lead them to their rooms. We’ll have a longer discussion later. Feel free to explore the city.” With that, the alien left.

“Right this way, please.” Whatever city they were in, it was beautiful. Pillars of glass lined the streets as they walked towards a crystal building. Water lapped at the surrounding shore, making him feel somewhat alright for the first time in ages.

They were led up the winding stairs and down hallways lined with a plush, carpet-like material. There they sat in what seemed to be a common room of sorts, with couches and tables scattered across the room. In the corner, there was a bookcase, piled full of books. Across from it, a window cut out, overlooking the sea.

“I’ll personally lead each of you guys to your rooms. Please, Black Paladin, follow me.” Shiro and the alien left the room.

Chatter filled the air as Lance was left awkwardly fumbling around. Being social was his thing, yet no one wanted to talk to him. He was left in uncomfortable silence, as one by one, they were called. In the end, only Lance and Pidge were left.

“Green Paladin, are you there?” The alien returned from wherever she had gone with Hunk.

“Well, I guess see you later Lance.” With that, even Pidge left. Was it his destiny to be alone? All he could do was wait for whoever Saej was to come back. He assumed that they thought of him as the weakest, with barely paying any attention to him. His team probably wouldn’t even wait for him, off doing something else around the city.

She returned, and with that, he made idle small talk with the alien, talking mostly about Earth, and how much he missed it. His homesickness was growing, and it was so nice to be finally talking to someone who listened.

Saej regarded him strangely after a few minutes. “Your fellow teammates said that you would be a flirtatious loudmouth, but I see none of that in you. Why would they say something like that?”

Lance laughed mirthlessly. “I guess they don’t see the real me, but it’s not like I care. It’s their choice, and I know that it isn’t their fault.”

“I see that differently, Blue Paladin. I see someone who is targeted by their own friends, if one could even call them that. I see someone broken.”

Sighing, Lance said, “Then you see wrong. If you couldn’t tell, I’m perfectly fine. Love what you did with that hair by the way. I always appreciate a nice haircut.” Unlike someone Lance knew.

“Thanks,” Saej said reluctantly. “Anyways, we are at your room.”

Lance felt his breath caught—he was in the room overlooking this planet’s equivalent of an ocean. It was beautiful, breathtaking, and overall, just enchanting. At that moment, he felt sad again. 

“Are you alright, Lance?” Saej asked with a questionable gaze.

“Join me for dinner, please.” Lance blurted out. Did he really just say that? What happened to all the charm he had? It was just because he didn’t want to be alone again, not when he couldn’t handle it.

“I’ll check with my advisor, but sounds good to me. I’ll let you know later.” Leaving the room with a twist of her hair, she locks the door behind her.

He was surprised at how easily she agreed, most wouldn’t have even stomached the thought of spending time with Lance. Surely she didn’t pity him, or just try to make a good impression on the rest of Voltron? Anyways, it was nice to have someone to spend time with, to have someone that would choose him for once.

It wasn’t like he was jealous of the closely-knit bonds everyone else had in Voltron. He wasn’t jealous of Allura and Coran, Hunk and Pidge, or even Shiro and Keith. No, he wasn’t jealous at all.

Sighing, Lance looked back at the clothes he had brought. Hopefully, he at least looked somewhat nice tonight. It was better to do that than wallowing in self-pity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading guys! I can't believe all the support I've gotten so far, you guys are the best! Anyways, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. I had some extra time laying around this week (for once).


	3. Cause [his] liquor’s top shelf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating has gone up, but only because of the underage drinking that is non-con, as Lance was tricked.

Three sharp knocks rapped at his door. After sitting around doing nothing for the rest of the afternoon, it was a welcome surprise.

He supposed it was Saej, looking for her date. After all, he knew all of his teammates' unique knocks by heart, and it wasn't like any of them would want to spend time with him. Sighing, he rose from his position on the bed, moving towards the door.

Just like he had suspected, Saej was at the door.

“I thought you would've wanted to see the city before dinner. If you want, I could go, but it's not like you're doing anything right now.”

“Yeah,” Lance replied. It was nice to see the city of glass he was so awed by when he came in. If it was going to be anything like he had thought it would be, this would be the best day he would have since he had left Earth, his one true home.

She lead him to the beach, shepherding him to the rocks overlooking the ocean. For a while, they didn’t talk, only observing the crashing waves. It was so much better than being in his room, alone. Here, he had silent companionship, even if it didn’t turn out romantic in the end. He finally had someone who may think of him as a friend.

“I don’t suppose you’ve talked to your teammates today? It’s not good to be like this, especially for a blue paladin.” Saej’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That means, that you, more than others, need the comfort of your own teammates. No matter how much you care for them, they need to start caring for you, otherwise, you’ll go insane in your own head. It will make you weak.”

There it was, again, that word. Weak. No matter how bad he felt, he had known it was unintentional, and although he didn’t know her long, he knew that Saej wouldn’t attack his lowest points. It wasn’t like he had let anyone know of his crippling self-hatred. Anyways, if he had told her that, it would prove her point. He was becoming weak.

After a slight pause, Lance responded. 

“Yeah sure, whatever honey. There’s no way I’m becoming weak, not with all the hours I put in at the training room.” 

“I’m serious, Lance, if you do not change…”

Lance cut her off. “Just leave it, I’m fine. Anyways, this is getting boring. Mind a change of scenery?”

Saej furrowed her brows. With a nod, she asked Lance to follow her. With walking through the grove of trees surrounding the beach’s edge, he had suddenly felt better. Once they made it out of the woods, he was astonished by the beauty that awaited him.

There were huge buildings, skyscrapers, but unlike Earth, they seemed to expand limitlessly, heading infinitely towards the sky. The reflective, glass-like material, made the whole city seem to shine. Lush trees of red and orange and yellow surrounded the main city on all edges, leaving it in a perpetual autumn. 

No matter how beautiful the outpost that Lance had seen coming onto the planet, it was nothing compared to this. He hadn’t known that there were two cities—Allura only told him there was the one in the front—but clearly, their civilization was bigger than they had ever thought. 

The inhabitants looked at him weirdly, like they hadn’t seen anyone who had looked like him before. None of the other paladins had come here before him. Good. An inner part of him was ashamed for thinking that, but it was their choice to leave him behind, fully content with letting him be lonely. He wouldn’t think of them any longer, he was finally happy.

He hadn’t noticed Saej had stopped until she had stopped him from running headfirst into one of the tallest buildings.

“I like this place, you’ll see why,” she said with a wink. Wow, she was finally warming up to him. It was weird to have someone flirt back after all the angry glares Allura gave in response.

They took the elevator up. With it being made out of glass, they could see the entire city as they went up. It was an awe-inspiring view and somehow made the city seem more beautiful, if possible.

When the elevator came to a stop, Lance was at the very top of the building. He felt free among the clouds. Getting out, he was greeted with a table set up, flickering candles bathing the area in warm light. 

“We’ll have dinner here,” Saej said with a grim. “Do you like it?”  
“Of course I like it! It’s the most anyone had done for me in like, gosh, forever.”

“Then come here.” She sat down on the couch at the edge of the roof. In comfortable silence, they sat, watching the sunset.

After a while, she got up, going to the fridge and pulling something out. It was a bottle of some type of drink, he didn’t know what it was. Unlike most drinks on Earth, it was a deep purple, almost black. Swirls ran through it, and specks of white mimicked stars. If it wasn’t Saej offering it to him, he would’ve been suspicious.

She poured it into two glasses, offering one to him.

“What is it?” Lance asked. “Is it non-alcoholic?” He wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol, Shiro would kill him. Actually, knowing his stance on underage drinking, he would probably find a way that would hurt him more than being dead. Hell, he would punish Keith for drinking, and Shiro rarely called Keith out for anything. Not like he was jealous or anything, how juvenile would that be?

“Yes,” she said suavely. She then took a sip of the liquid, setting it down to once again observe the sunset.

“Do you want to eat now?” she questioned, watching Lance observing the liquid.

“Sounds good.” Hand in hand, they make their way to the table. On the table laid spreads of dishes, clearly inspired by foods on Earth. It was a welcome change from all the food goo the paladins had to eat over the last few months.

They finished dinner quickly, wanting to make the most of their evening. Lance still hadn’t taken a sip of the strange liquid, despite Saej reassurances. It smelled like alcohol, and that was what mattered to him.

“Hey Lance, ease up a bit. C’mon, just drink a little and have fun. You don’t want to be boring, do you? Just make me happy.” Was it him, or did Saej’s words seemed slurred? He still hesitated, trying to change the subject.

“Do you want to—”

“Lance, this is the reason why none of the others talk to you. I’ve clearly said there’s no alcohol. Now drink.”

Ouch, that had hurt. He didn’t want Saej to think that he didn’t trust her. With that, he took a sip of the liquid, feeling the burn down his throat. Surely it wasn’t alcohol, but he wouldn’t know the difference. Whatever it was, it tasted good.

Somehow, every time his glass was empty, it was filled back up again. After a while, he felt drowsy, falling asleep under the stars, and in the arms of a stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading everyone! If you have any suggestions, tags I should add, or feedback at all, I'd love to hear it! Even if it's not fic-related, you can ask me.


	4. It’s alarming, honestly, how charming [he] can be

The first thought that entered Lance’s mind was that everything hurt. From head to toes, everything felt like it was on fire, but nothing was as bad as his headache. It throbbed wildly like nothing ever had before.

“Here, Lance.” Saej offered him some type of pill and a glass of water. He took them gratefully, not caring what it was as long as it helped him.

“Thanks,” he croaked out. He remembered nothing of last night. All he remembered that he messed something up, did something he wasn’t supposed to do. Considering his current stage of amnesia, it must of been something bad.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That should have never happened.”

For a second, Saej looked a bit confused, although Lance didn’t know why. Was it because she wasn’t expecting him to apologize?

“It’s totally fine, Lance. I won’t tell the rest of the Paladins. Just remember, you owe me.”

Lance huffed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to get into trouble, not when they hated him so much already. Besides, he didn’t think they would want to be bothered by him anymore.

“Yep, gotcha. Is there something I’m supposed to do today?” Lance asked. It wasn’t usual to have free days while on a mission and he felt like he had slept for a million quintants.

“Actually, the Paladins asked where you were. It’s already midday, but you seemed so peaceful sleeping there, I didn’t want to wake you, so I told them you were sick. I guess you owe me another favor,” Saej said with a wink.

If it was already midday, then the diplomatic mission must be happening right now. He had to be there, it was his job to help facilitate the alliance. 

Lance leapt to his feet but stumbled with all the blood rushing to his brain. He saw in blurs, everything was moving, spinning around in circles.

“Woah, easy there tiger, sit back down,” Saej said with a smirk. When did she become so attuned with human culture? Nevertheless, he did what she ordered—Saej obviously knew what she was doing.

“What was last night?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

Lance didn’t know how to respond, not wanting to reveal that he didn’t remember anything. Seeing no choice and not wanting to break her trust even more, he decided to tell her the truth.

“I actually don’t remember,” Lance stuttered out. “I have no clue, all I know was that we were at a beach, and now we’re here.”

She sighed tirely. Lance went taut, not knowing if he said the right thing or not. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t remember, was it?

“Well, I was hoping that you’d remember, but I see it wasn’t that important to you. Hopefully you could make it up later.” Saej waited for him to respond, arms crossed. She stared him right in the eye.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I promise, I’ll do whatever you need me to while I’m here. Do you know where the rest are?”

“Just follow me.” With that, she lead him to the door. They went down the elevator, his breath catching at the sight. It seemed familiar, like he had seen the city before, but it was probably because it was so similar to Earth. 

They went right into the outpost, taking this planet’s equivalent of the metro. There was a meeting already going on, with his friends already discussing the terms of their alliance, but pausing when they saw Lance.

That was supposed to be his job, to help negotiations with the others. He was the ladies man, able to flirt his way through any situation. Instead, he was off doing something he didn’t remember, and getting himself hurt for it. There was no point being here, and Lance finally accepted it.

No wonder why they all hated him, he was useless. A sharpshooter? Pathetic. A diplomat? Guess again. The best he could do was to stay out of trouble and he failed at that. He was just a placeholder for someone better, someone who would actually deserve the respect of the team. Lance left as soon as he came.

He didn’t see the concerned glances the team gave him, Shiro’s worry, Keith’s concern, Pidge’s fidgeting. He didn’t see as the team was struck by the realization of how they had treated him. Their repent, guilt, and love were all ignored—replaced with Lance’s own self-hatred. 

After the meeting had ended, all the Paladins rushed out of the door, wanting to find him as soon as possible. When they had gone exploring the city, they had realized they had left Lance behind. All of them felt absolutely awful—Lance was their rock, their sharpshooter, the only one that made sure everyone feel safe. Now, he was missing, and based on the way he was acting towards them, he probably thinks that they hate him, the opposite of the truth. There was nothing they could do, but wait. 

Wandering outside the city, Lance watched as waves lapped at the coast. How did everything come to this point? Out of all the things he could have done, he made the one decision that would screw up everything. It wasn’t surprising at this point, but it was still painful to realize that he could have cost an alliance by interrupting them at a bad moment.

Back in the city, the Paladins were thinking similar thoughts. How could they have let Lance isolate himself so much that he feared looking at him, thinking that they were about to yell at him? It was something that puzzled them greatly, but they knew that it was their fault. 

They felt like they had failed, especially Shiro, who looked awful once he realized his failures as a leader. He was supposed to help everyone, but he had been ignoring Lance, for the longest time ever. Every time he forgot Lance’s birthday, every time he yelled at him, it all added up. With this, he resolved to find Lance, and make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support! It's truly incredible. Let me know anything you want to see down in the comments below, and don't be afraid to ask anything!


	5. Fooling everyone, telling them [he’s] having fun

The Paladins had been searching for Lance for a long time, going everywhere in the city and out. They scouted the beaches, combed through the forests, even going as far as to search the ruins abandoned long ago by the Tolitons. No matter where they went, they couldn’t find him.

Meanwhile, Lance was finally having fun without them. Saej had found him alone, sobbing his eyes out. It was stupid, having been so distraught over them. He felt alone, then, but not now. 

She had taken him to the old stone building, handing him a few oddly colored drinks. At first, he was filled with apprehension, but now he reveled in the moment. Drinks passing from hand to hand, kisses from lip to lip, everything was a blur, and he loved it. The only thing that mattered was the touch of strangers, both disturbing and comforting. 

It couldn’t have been healthy, drinking whatever the aliens had given him and using it to cope with his current situation, but he didn’t care. Why should he, when no one cared for him? It wasn’t like he was important anyways. They would care if it was Keith or Hunk went out to party, risking unknown danger, but they wouldn’t care if he was poisoned or kidnapped.

The dancing was fun, much more fun than being yelled at. It was just so tiring, being the scapegoat for his family. Although Lance loved them, he hated how they all thought the same, dismissing thoughts about him. Unlike what they thought, he did honestly enjoy working as a paladin of Voltron.

He felt drowsy, swaying with the intoxicating beats of the music blasting. Whirls of neon filled his vision. He laughed in ecstasy, in the pitiful hope he had of his team returning his love. Glancing down at himself, he knew he looked like a mess, clothes ruffled with the remnants of drinks on them. His eyes were probably red-rimmed and filled with exhaustion, but he didn’t care. No, he didn’t care at all.

He didn’t notice his name being called until someone gripped him from behind. To his surprise, it was Keith, eyes wild and hair sticking out in odd ends. He mouthed some words Lance couldn’t make out, but he felt his heart rate kicking up. Seeing black spots blot his vision, he went to sit down but felt the world collapsing under his feet. His sight faded to complete darkness and he fainted.

Groaning, he woke up to the harsh, clinical lighting of whatever hospital the Tolitons had. There was no one in the room with him. Remembering the events of the day before, he cursed himself. Hopefully, his team wouldn’t yell at him, but he doubted it. Not wanting to face his friends while still weak, he decided to go back to sleep. 

Upon waking up (for the second time), he noticed that someone else was in the room. Shiro. Crap, this was the one scenario he didn’t want. He would be pissed at him for drinking whatever he was drinking. Well, it was too late to pretend that he was still sleeping.

“Hey Shiro, what are you doing,” he croaked out. Uh oh, that was the wrong thing to say. His eyes blazed up. 

“Lance,” Shiro started in a stern voice, “I can’t believe you did something like this. You should’ve known better, especially being a Paladin of Voltron.” His voice rose in volume with each word.

Wincing, Lance begins to respond, but it is soon cut off by another tirade by Shiro. He didn’t think that he didn’t do anything to warrant this kind of treatment, but apparently, that wasn’t the case.

“You know that I can’t support underage drinking of any kind, and you clearly knew what you were thinking. I don’t know what possessed your mind to do this, but I hope you know that what you’ve done goes against any values we fight for.”

“But Shiro! You don’t understand, this all wasn’t meant to happen.” Lance pleaded with him, desperate to get his point across. He had to tell Shiro that it wasn’t his fault, that he had honestly no idea what happened. Even now, he still didn’t know if it was alcohol that he drank that night.

“Just stop, Lance. We all know what you meant to happen.” Shiro’s voice boomed through the room. Still visibly angry, he leaves. 

Inside, Lance was dying. Was Shiro just overreacting? No, he doubted it. Out of all people, Shiro would be right and if he had a different view than him, then Lance was wrong. After all, how could Lance even compare to Shiro?

His head was whirling. What had gone so wrong? All he wanted to do was get out of the way of his teammates, but instead he just made the problem bigger. He supposed there was a reason the people he considered his friends didn't like him—it wasn't like it was a huge secret—and he had proven that more now than ever.

He was surprised he wasn't sadder over Shiro’s disapproval, but he supposed he was already used to it. Still, this time was worse than it had ever been before. Lance already knew that he was a disappointment, but to be denounced by his hero? That hurt more than anything else. 

Unbeknownst to Lance, Shiro was beating himself up on the way back to the hotel. Originally, he was going to go in, give a nice talk and a pat on the back (or two). He was supposed to make Lance feel like he could confide in everyone if he needed. Instead, Shiro froze when he saw how hurt Lance was, and what could have happened. 

If he had lost Lance before he had a chance to apologize, he would never forgive himself, and seeing him that bruised and hurt meant that there was a chance, if things had gone differently, that he could have died. Naturally, this meant Shiro had to yell at him instead of talking it out like any sane person, probably causing Lance to hate him. He felt horrible and he had no way to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys thank you so much for reading! I can't believe how nice and kind you all are, you guys are incredible! Feel free to comment anything below, whether it be about the latest chapter, something you want to see, or life in general. Again, thank you!


	6. [He] says you don't want to be like me/Don't wanna see all the things I've seen

After a while spent sobbing on his bed, Lance decided to finally get himself together. If his whole team hated him, so be it. He couldn't care less now, wouldn't beg for their forgiveness. It's not like they would change their minds now.

Making up his mind, Lance decided to seek out Saej. She did seem a little off, coerce him to drink whatever he had drunk last night, and was practically a total stranger, but hey—she cared about him.

He hoped that he didn't run into anyone while going to find her, but he didn't have such luck. Upon leaving the building, he ran into Hunk. He seemed to be going somewhere in a rush but stopped everything he was doing once he saw Lance.

“Hey, Lance!” Hunk said, as happy as ever. “Why don't you come along with me, we haven't spent time together in a long time.”

Lance noticed that something was off about him, but he didn't know what. Was it because he pitied Lance? Hunk probably did, only inviting him because of incident at the meeting. Well, if it was going to be that way, then he wouldn't bother Hunk with his presence.

Smiling half-heartedly, Lance said, “It’s fine man, I have somewhere to be anyways. Go have fun.”

Hunk frowned. “Are you sure Lance? I haven't—”

“Bro, it’s fine, don't waste your time with me. Go on a culinary adventure, take a tour, I don't know do something.” With a small shove, Lance lead Hunk out the door, despite all his protests.

Sighing, Lance thought about how much of a mess these past few days were. No matter how much he tried, all he could think about was how much he screwed up, from letting people get hurt because of him, Saej, Shiro, actually, practically everything at this point. Unironically, he wanted to die.

The problem wasn't even that he hated himself, wanted to do better, or thought that he wasn't enough. Even though all of the above was true, Lance knew that the problem lived and thrived in the thoughts of his team. No matter how much he cared for them, loved them, they would not realize how much he tried to be as perfect as he could, not for himself, but for them. He was stuck in this eternal curse, where everyone he loved despised him—and that hurt more than anything.

Suddenly, he was enveloped in the feelings of that battle, the rest of the Paladins screaming at him to hurry up, to do something. He pictured the screams, the blood, everything that had gone wrong. He remembered as he witnessed utter chaos, families being separated, the utter stench of death wafting over the blood-soaked field. Most of all, he saw the pain.

Hands shaking, he got up, his mouth parched. On unstable legs, he trudged over to the water fountain and tried to calm himself down. Taking a few deep breaths, he decided to forget anything had happened. It was easier than trying to find out why Hunk would care about someone as useless as him.

Lance laughed without mirth. Ah, it was so ironic, the Blue Paladin struck down by his own tears. In the back of his mind, he knew people would kill to take his place, but it was just so exhausting to save the world 24/7. Should he be grateful that he found Blue? Maybe, if it leads him to create bonds with people he hadn’t thought possible before. 

On the other hand, was it really worth all the tears, all the bloodshed, all the insecurity running through his veins if his team didn’t appreciate him for it? Lance didn’t think so, but if it saved another from going through the horrors he went through, he would take it. First of all, he had a mission to accomplish, and wouldn’t mind being cheered up during it.

Despite wandering around the city for the while, Saej was nowhere to be seen. Okay, Lance could deal with this. It wasn't like he expected Saej to be there whenever he called—she probably had better things to do. Walking towards the beach, he decided to just have some time alone.

It was then something was pulled over his head, and with a quick scuff to his head, Lance’s vision faded to black as he fell unconscious.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Hunk knew something was wrong as soon as he talked to his friend. He had noticed that he seemed different, a bit off in some ways, but chalked it off to having a crush. After seeing Lance’s red-rimmed eyes as he rushed down the halls, he finally decided to intervene.

What Hunk didn’t expect was for Lance to brush him off as soon as he started the conversation, almost like he was trying to get rid of him. He had no idea what to do, he didn’t want to push him too hard, but seeing him like this? It scared him. Lance was prone to panic attacks, Hunk knew that as his best friend, but he realized that he had never seen him have one, or what triggered it. Anyways, wasn’t it better to be safe than sorry?

This was a bigger issue than he had realized, and the worst part was that he had no way of fixing it. Vowing to help his friend, he went to go search for another one of the Paladins. Hopefully, one of them would help him find out what had happened to make Lance so distraught. Striding into the city, Hunk pursed his lips and went off to complete his own personal mission.

When he found Shiro and Keith walking along the main road, Hunk went to go tap them on the shoulder, but before he could, they turned around, disheveled and eyes frantic.

“Woah, guys, what’s wrong?” Hunk questioned. It wasn’t like them to be panicked, that job fell to him, Lance, or even occasionally Pidge.

Shakily, Shiro said, “I messed up, big time. We need to find Lance, I have a bad feeling about this.”

Keith nodded, subdued from his normal personality. Hunk didn’t know how to respond to that, their fearless leader showing vulnerability, but if it affected Lance he had to help. With that, the three of them went off, searching for their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! Feel free to comment anything below! Honestly, idk how long this should be, but let me know (if u want to) if it should end sooner or later. Thanks again! Please let me know if I have grammatical errors and stuff like that too and if I should write a one-shot later or smthing.


	7. I'm dying, I'm dying

When Lance woke up, it was to a steel cage enclosed within unbreachable stone walls. Great, he was probably captured by the Galra or someone working for them. At least they didn’t get ahold of Blue or anything like that. Wow, Lance actually felt kind of bad for them. Imagine capturing a Paladin of Voltron and then finding out you have the most useless one.

Suddenly, the lights flickered on. Wincing, Lance raised his face up to the light, trying his best to make out the image of his captor, but only seeing a figure cloaked in black. Wordlessly, he gestured for Lance to come out. Not trusting him, Lance refused. Why should he make it so easy for his kidnapper to torture him or worse? Shaking his head, the figure left, and he was once again enveloped in darkness.

Coming to once again, he was surrounded by more cloaked figures (should he call them people? it wasn’t like there was a high chance of them being human), only this time wearing white. What were they going to do now? It wasn’t like they were Casper the Friendly Ghost or something, but they did look like they were wearing a child’s Halloween costume.

Lance heard laughing in the room, only to realize it was him. This situation was just so hilariously unreal to him. Sure, Shiro got captured, but the Galra were probably gunning for him, the golden boy of the Garrison. But for him, gosh, he didn’t even know who had captured him, and what they wanted. It’s not like the team would pay the ransom money if they wanted any.

At this point, Lance feared nothing. Why should he, when there was nothing back with the team except for distrust and anger? He probably sounded like a broken record at this point, and he meant literally broken. 

Lance sighed. No, there were still things back home that he couldn’t give up on. Besides, his team wasn’t that bad anyway, it wasn’t like they were the ones screwing up the world. If he felt bad, that’s on him, not on anyone else.

Maybe it would be better off that he was dead, but then who would make sure they took care of themselves? He couldn’t picture leaving any of them, not Hunk, not Pidge, hell, he would even feel bad for Mullethead. Smiling, he remembered those inflamed remarks they made at each other—he would miss that if he died. 

“Do you remember us, Blue Paladin?” the voices spoke in unison. Startled, Lance tried to respond, only to find that he couldn’t speak, or move anything for a matter of fact. His eyes watered with the effort, but it was all to no avail. He was trapped.

And as they pulled down their hoods, Lance opened his mouth in a parody of a scream. In a matter of ticks, he promptly passed out.

Back on the planet, Shiro, Keith, and Hunk had been searching for vargas trying to find Lance.

“Where could he be?” Keith groaned, nearly tearing out his hair in frustration. “It's not like there are that many hiding spots here.”

“We could find that alien that Lance talks to,” said Shiro. “She probably knows where Lance is.” It made sense, everyone would want to go to someone after being unfairly treated. After you unfairly treated him, Shiro’s mind corrected. 

“Already one step ahead of you there,” Hunk said. Spotting something, he turned into the alleyway. Not seeing any other choices, Shiro and Keith reluctantly followed.

Keith was left in the blue with everything going on with Lance (haha, Lance would be proud). He had tried searching for him, wanting another chance to bond with the one person he rarely talked to in the Castle. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, but sometimes things come wrong out in translation. For Keith, a lot had definitely gone wrong.

Hearing shouts from both Hunk and Shiro, he quickly followed. They probably knew what was wrong, but deigned to include him of course. Just because he had made Lance cry once didn’t mean that he wanted Lance to be missing. He still felt horrible about that and needed to make it up to him.

When he caught up to Hunk and Shiro, the first thing he noticed them doing was aggressively questioning one of the inhabitants of this planet, a female. She did look familiar, but it wasn’t until Hunk had said her name that he remembered her, both from her greeting and her infatuation with Lance. She was the alien Shiro had been talking about, the one friends with Lance.

“Saej, do you have any clue where Lance is?” Hunk demanded. Hunk was already suspicious of her, being so close to his best friend at his very worst. What had happened?

Saej fidgeted, twirling a piece of her hair around. 

“I honestly have no idea. I was looking for him, but couldn’t find him. I’ve got no clue about your human traditions, but I doubt it’s normal for someone of his status to disappear into thin air. When did he start acting strangely?”

The Paladins looked at each other. Hunk was the last one to see him, but Lance was far from being in the right mindset. Keith, on the other hand, had no idea what was going on with Lance, every attempt searching for him going miserably. They doubted Pidge or Coran knew, and Allura was probably off doing something diplomatic. Their only hope of knowing what had gone wrong was Shiro.

“Shiro, do you know what happened?” Hunk questioned. At that, Shiro blanched, all color draining from his face.

“I said I messed up alright, that should be enough to tell you what happened.” He winced, thinking of when he had yelled at Lance.

Keith looked concerned. Shiro was practically family, and he knew when Shiro was hiding something.

“What had happened?” Keith said.

Shiro sighed, unable to keep anything from Keith.

“Well, I may have yelled at him when he was still, you know, at a low point. It was that time you had found him at that alien bar. I regretted it right after I saw how it affected him. I tried to-”

“Really Shiro, you had to do that to Lance?” Keith huffed. “This is probably why he’s all moody lately.”

“Like you’re the one to talk. Wasn’t it you who-”

“Guys, you better both shut up.” Hunk was mad, really mad. They really couldn’t keep their anger to themselves, no, they had to take it out on his best friend, who was still missing now by the way. “You better take responsibility for your actions before you see Lance again, or else I’m never letting you guys close to him, Voltron be damned.”

Shiro gulped. A mad Hunk was a scary one. 

“I said I would apologize.”  
At this, Hunk even looked more inflamed. “Not just for whatever happened between you two on this planet, but everything on the Castle. I had some part to play in this, I admit it, but you two and the way you treated him like was nothing? It would suck to be him.”

Keith was mortified, everything Hunk had said was true. He would have a lot to make up for once he saw Lance again.

Saej, who remained quiet up to this moment, directed her attention to the Black Paladin. 

“What had you said to him?

Shiro answered sheepishly, still noting that both Keith and Hunk looked pissed off. 

“It was something stupid, I was worried about Lance after finding him in that bar, so I told him that drinking wasn’t acceptable, especially because he was underage. He wasn’t in his right mind, and I was worried that someone would take advantage of him.”

Saej was silent. “But I thought you humans had to drink to survive…” She looked horrified. “Is there something that you guys can’t drink?”

Now Shiro was beginning to see the pieces fall into place. “Saej, um, do you know what the compound alcohol is? Did you give any drink with it in to Lance?”

“Well yes, but it doesn’t do anything. Alcohol is harmless, it’s just a lot more expensive to purchase and has a slightly sweet aftertaste. Does that not happen with humans?”

Shiro took a deep breath in before responding. “It messes up the mind a little, that’s why we try to avoid it until a certain age. I mean you didn’t know so-”

Shiro paused. “Does this mean I yelled at Lance for nothing??” he said, terrified. “How will he ever forgive me?”

“I’m extremely sorry,” Saej said, panicked. “If I had known this would happen then I would have never given him any of it.”

Hunk and Keith were shocked, understandably so. Wow, this took a turn for the worst.

Groaning, Keith said, “Guys, let’s focus on finding Lance. We can deal with everything later.”

Under his breath, Hunk muttered, “Hopefully.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip, I read this whole thing over again and realized how bad this whole thing is. Well, there's always next time. Thanks for reading!!! Feel free to comment :D
> 
>  
> 
> *btw i have no idea how the timezones work on ao3, like it's saturday here but it's published on sunday?


	8. [He] says, "You don't want to get this way/Famous and dumb at an early age"

Ok, so Lance was in a worse position than he had thought. He expected to see some purple fur, yellow eyes, but no. What he got instead were reminders of everyone he failed to save on the last planet. He wouldn’t have been surprised if they were ghosts, after all, he flies around a giant robot cat in space, but it turns out they were shapeshifters.

Apparently, they wanted to turn into him. Weird, right. Well, it gets worse from there. To turn into them, they had to know all about him, what makes him tick. They wouldn't want to accidentally kill themselves because they wanted to go cliff jumping one day and found out the soft, fleshy humans weren't built for such fun. Go figure.

So that meant rounds and rounds of experimentation, especially with “a mind as fragile as a human.” Naturally, that meant digging up all of his past trauma. First it was turning into everyone he had let down at the last fight, mutilated limbs and all. They screamed at him, shouting accusing words and spewing their hatred. Admittedly, he had broken down crying, tears rolling down his face in great clumps, marking tear tracks on his cheeks. 

Of course, that didn't stop them from turning into a variety of aliens, each more horrific and disturbing than the past. All said the same words, that he wasn't enough, that he had let everyone down, that he had done this to them. 

In the back of his mind, he knew that it was the Galra who did it, not him, but that didn't matter at the moment. It was his fault, all of it. If he hadn't found the Blue Lion, he wouldn't have lead the Galra to other planets. If the Galra hadn’t gone to the other planets, then millions of people would still be alive, rather dying in the name of Voltron, a group of kids.

He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Sure, he could handle the Galra torturing him, putting him in the arena or physically harming him. But this, where he could truly see all his insecurities coming to life—it was something different. 

Lance knew that the real torturing would be coming soon, with whips and knives and daggers. But he knew it couldn’t compare to what he is going through right now. If his team still cared about him (although he didn’t know why they would), he hoped they would show up before he breaks completely.

Something forced his eyes open again, Lance having not realized that he had closed them at all. Contorted faces greeted him, all plastered with the alien equivalent of a smirk. 

“Well, we have the famous Blue Paladin here, why don’t we see what he can do?” A wild glint appeared in their eyes, as they once again began to change, dreaming up another horror.

 

Back on the planet, the Paladins were trying their best to find Lance as soon as possible.

“Guys, I think I might have a lead,” said Saej. She had returned after checking all the logs of anyone who had gone in or out of the planet. It wasn’t like there was a lot of people living here anyway, so it was easily accessible information, especially someone as high up in the government as her.

“There were only three ships which had left after around the time the Yellow Paladin saw Lance until yesterday.”

Hunk sighed. “I thought I had told you to call me Hunk?”

“Sorry, but I don’t do well with formalities. In order to save Lance, we must find him as soon as possible.”

“What do you mean save Lance?” Keith questioned, gritting his teeth. He didn’t think the Galra took him, after all, why would they take Lance and not his lion? Besides, he probably got lost somewhere, especially if he was upset.

Saej winced. “Well, the ship that took the both of them... It’s from a different species one we’ve been at war with. We’ve settled a-”

“Cut to the chase,” Keith said. Shiro was already looking pale, and he wanted to break the news to him as fast as possible. Shiro was already filled with guilt, and it would be worse imagining all the possibilities of what could happen to Lance. 

“Basically there’s a small planet, almost considered a meteorite, here. It’s inhabitants are… different. They’re shapeshifters, nice but extremely curious. Although they haven’t caused trouble before, we had to break off our alliance due to some issues with morality.” 

“So what? Do they have Lance right now?” Hunk questioned. His hands shook in anxiety, fear of what could happen to his best friend. He would never forgive himself if something went wrong. “What’s going to happen to him?”

Saej glanced towards the Black Paladin. It was obvious that he wasn’t doing well, she had heard the stories of him being captured by the Galra, made evident by his metal arm. She didn’t want him here while she explained how he would be experimented on, but in this case, it was for the greater good.

She took a deep breath in. 

“I’m sorry to say, but I think he will be most likely be experimented on, based on the other interactions we had with them. The only way to get them to stop is to get him out of there, peacefully. With your help, we’d probably win, but not without great casualties. Some have gone insane with their procedures, so it’s best if we get Lance out as soon as possible.”

Shiro had gone pale a long time ago, but this time he seemed sickly. He was feeling the brunt of the grief and guilt that plagued him after speaking to Lance. Who knows if he could ever fix this? He wouldn’t forgive himself if he was Lance.

Thinking of him, Shiro smiled. Lance was bright, so full of joy. It didn’t matter if Shiro was there or not. Keith would take his place, and all would be right with Voltron. If these thoughts hurt him, he didn’t show it. All that mattered was getting Lance back to safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading guys! I'm utterly flabbergasted by all the support you guys have shown. I literally cannot express my appreciation in words. Feel free to leave a comment :D I can feel this drawing to an end, so there will probably only be a few more chapters.


	9. Lying, I'm Lying

He didn’t know much time had passed, and to tell the truth, he couldn’t care less. Not when there were needles stabbing into his body, limbs pushing and pulling in him, and his mind was dizzied with a pained haze. It was utter agony.

Lance resolved to find a way out of here alone. It already looked like his team wasn’t coming, just as he expected. He didn't know why he was disappointed, he knew it was coming. However, it did still hurt knowing that they thought nothing of his safety. 

Looking around, he spotted a knife-like object just lying there on the table. Of course, it wouldn't be as easy as that, considering he was still bound to the bed, but it was a start.

Hmm, it didn't seem like the straps were made for him, rather for some other bigger alien. He could try to wiggle his way loose, but it would take a while. Plus, he wouldn't want to get caught trying to escape. 

So instead of trying to get his whole body free, he moved his arm, grabbing the knife from the table. He slipped it under his back, returning his hand to the original place.

After a few minutes, one of the guards came in and brought him food. This was his chance to escape. As soon as he came to bring the feeding tube close to his neck, Lance thrusted his hand upwards, connecting with the fleshy body above. 

Hissing, the guard shifted. It would be funny, how he basically Hulked out, but not in this circumstance. Instead of some kind of puny, innocent creature with blood flowing from his head (Lance supposed it was to make him feel guilty), he turned into a massive stone golem.

Lance gulped. He had to think fast, but no matter what he did, it seemed like he would be screwed. 

No, he couldn’t think like that. He had to be useful, make his way back to the team. At least with him safe, they wouldn’t have to immediately find a replacement Blue Paladin.

The golem-creature was still roaring in agony, the blade probably being covered in some kind of poison. Already, he could hear footsteps running down the hall, abnormally loud compared to the deafening silence he was forced into for days at a time, only able to hear himself scream. 

As quick as he could, he rushed out the door. He saw some suspiciously Shiro and Keith sized figures heading his way, but he didn’t want to stick around to find out. In any other scenario he probably would, but being in a compound full of shapeshifters? Not such a great idea. There were thousands, probably millions of alien types, surely one would look like humans.

Turning the corner, he searched for any possibility for escape. Instead what he found was a dead end, skeletons and all.

Lance cursed. He could hear heavier footsteps coming his way. Making a break for it, he lunged for the door, only to be greeted with more shapeshifters. The door clanged shut as they pushed him inside, locking him in the darkness. However, it wasn’t before they pulled a bracelet from his wrist and flung it out the window.

Despite working on tracking him since the others had mustered up the strength to tell her about their “situation,” Pidge had run into some big problems in trying to find Lance. Pidge was pissed, understandably so—Lance had been suffering all this time for something that could have easily been prevented. 

Sure, some of Lance’s pain could have been spared if they had all acted a little nicer, but to be honest, it was mostly Shiro’s fault. Who knew that the perfect team leader would be the one to break the camel’s back?

Well, there wasn’t any time for regret when Lance was still in trouble. This alien tech was awesome, but even it had some limitations. For example, the tracker Saej had unknowingly put on everyone told the exact locations of where everyone was, except that no names came with it. Most of it had to be done by some good guesswork and algorithms.

According to Saej, Lance wouldn’t be on this planet, leaving only a few possibilities. They had located the area he was on long ago, but couldn’t identify his tracker from the others. Keith, like always, had wanted to go in and attack, but Allura vetoed it, saying that it was too risky.

To her surprise, Shiro was the one to say nothing at all, choosing not to put in his two cents. For a leader with such a commanding, kind personality, it was rare that he didn’t make the decision. Pidge couldn’t blame him—his decision was usually the right one. 

Laying out a map, Pidge called everyone over.

“See this clump of lights here? It would make sense that they would keep Lance there. Unlike other areas, there aren’t as much people, but enough to guard a high-profile prisoner.”  
Hunk was concerned. “I don’t understand, why that place out of all others? I appreciate how you think, but shouldn’t we have more reasoning before we assume Lance is there?”

“Both of you guys are right,” Coran chimed in. “Just wait for it, number three. I helped too,” he announced proudly.

“Yeah, so basically we put together an algorithm which predicts which room the aliens are most likely to keep Lance. There’s a lot that goes into it, don’t worry, but we’re kind of short on time so this explanation has to do,” Pidge said.

Shiro cleared his voice, uncomfortable as all eyes fell on him.

“When do we leave?”

Keith and Shiro were all suited up, being the ones to retrieve Lance. Shiro wanted to do it because he felt guilty, after all, it was his fault Lance was in this situation, and once Keith wants to do something, he does it. Besides, he’s better on the field.

They had to stay low for this first part, where they would try to break Lance out of wherever he was being kept. A loud commotion broke out down the hall, exactly where Lance was predicted to be.

Keith didn’t care if this was going against orders or something, he had to find Lance. Anyways, Shiro would forgive him for anything. He took off.

“Keith, come back.” Shiro had no choice but to follow. 

By the time they got there, all the aliens and Lance had disappeared. The only thing they found was his tracker, a gem embedded in a golden bracelet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading <3 It's been such a wild ride, especially with this being my first fanfic. I can't believe how nice you guys are all! Feel free to comment anything below (grammar mistakes, constructive criticism, what u want to see, etc.) Again, thanks so much!


	10. Chapter 10

Ugh, Lance was once again woken up by a bright light. It was starting to be less painful and more annoying the more he got used to it. Guess that would be a good thing once he got back to the castle, waking up to the alarm would be a lot easier. 

Only if he could make it back.

As soon as he woke up, pain rushed through his nerves. Lance screamed, his body seemingly set on fire (or at least it felt that way). Gritting his teeth, he took in his surroundings. Looks like the aliens were not happy.

Instead of a syringe or some other high-tech torture device, to his surprise they were only spraying him with vials of greenish-brown liquid. Sometimes the most simple of remedies work.

“We know who you are, Blue Paladin. And you’re too much of a liability to set free. After we are done, rest assured that you may never have to deal with any of your consequences again.”

The voices surrounded him like before, but this time there was nothing to stab at, no enemy to fight. If Lance thought they were mad before, it was nothing like now. Obviously, they had no qualms about hurting him and he’d be lucky to make it out alive.

All the pain disappeared as soon as it came. To say Lance was shocked was an understatement, considering all that big talk about torturing him. He was pleasantly surprised—maybe now he could make it out of here.

Pulling at the bonds strapping him to the table, Lance tried to wiggle his way free. Unlike before, these chains were ironclad, welded with something definitely stronger than he had ever experienced.

After a while, Lance gave up trying. There was no way it would work out using brawn, but what about brains? Surely that had to work. Unfortunately, it’d be hard to think his way out of this one.

The door where the aliens had dragged him through opened. He winced, preparing more for to file in, but instead he saw a familiar eye—hesitant yet familiar. Trying to remember where he had seen it before, he combed through his memory. 

How could he have forgotten? There was only one person he knew that would rescue him (despite probably being commanded to), with that eye color. Deep purple, almost like the color of the space they spent so much time cruising through. The eyes he had pined over for so long, only to finally get himself together and realize that he would never love him. That eye belonged to Keith.

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events, but nevertheless he was grateful. If it was up to him to get himself out alive, he would’ve been trapped here forever. Unfortunately, that meant that Lance had put his teammates in danger by being captured. For some reasons, he knew that wouldn’t do wonders for his mental health.

Peering through the crack, Keith edged the door open slowly. He wouldn’t want to lose Lance right when he was right in front of him. Seeing Lance so vulnerable and scared—he wanted to hurt every one of the aliens which did this to him. 

Once Keith and Shiro had heard the final clang of a door slamming and saw the shimmer of a gold bracelet, they knew that they fucked up. Lance was close to them, probably within reach, and they had let him slip right through their fingertips. Keith wouldn’t let it happen again.

He was just about to enter when he was pulled back into the hallway. Shiro. Knowing how Shiro felt about mistreating Lance and the fact that he felt like this whole thing was his fault, Keith could tell something was wrong. Shiro wouldn’t slow down the mission for a simple scare.

As always, to his dismay, Shiro was right. More aliens filed in, carrying in instruments of torture that would even be deemed sadistic by the Galra. There wasn’t one thing in that room that was not meant for bringing harm to Lance, and the worst part is that if Keith hadn’t hesitated he would have been sure that he’d have rescued Lance.

Lance’s screams punctured the air, marring it with something unspeakably violent. Almost as if he was feeling the pain, Keith gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. Shiro, overcome by sadness and guilt, closed the door as they waited for another opportunity to come.

He didn’t understand. Why had Keith left him here? Lance knew he was annoying at best, but he had thought that he had at least meant something to the other boy. Now, he was stuck with an alien race wanting to cut him up and see how he ticked, like some kind of cult back on Earth, but with ultra-high-def torture weapons.

When the first cut was made on his body, Lance screamed. He caught Keith’s eye, doing his best to convince him to run. Keith had his shot to rescue him but evidently hadn’t thought Lance was worth all the effort. It didn’t matter, Lance would’ve done the same when faced with a copy of himself. At least now Voltron had a higher chance of winning.

As soon as the aliens had put one of the weapons down, Lance glanced at the door, grateful to see it close. He wished his friends good luck in his head, knowing his journey ends here. Now he had finally helped save the world. Tears streamed down his face as the blade came down, and he once again started up screaming.

Unbeknownst to him, more tears were being shed behind that door. But Keith and Shiro will save Lance. Their future relies on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol im tired so im gonna keep this short
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading and sticking through this journey with me. It's my first fanfic, and I hope to keep writing more. U guys are literally so kind, it blows my mind. As always, feel free to comment or reach out to me.


	11. [He] gives them butterflies, bats [his] cartoon eyes

Lance wanted to die. Granted, he wasn’t new to the feeling, but this was born out of physical pain this time, rather than mental. However, it didn’t seem like they would let him anytime soon, considering their recent lust for his blood. 

He hoped it would be over soon, one way or another. If it didn’t, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Hell would be better than this.

Keith had come up with a plan to get Lance out of there. After what he had heard, he knew Lance had to get out of there—and fast. There could be no time for dilly-dallying, and sadly, no time to call in more reinforcements. 

Shiro had already taken the other hall, and judging by the shocked, alien screams, he had already started up the first part of the plan. Hopefully, more of them would come to investigate. After all, Shiro was more than able to take care of them.

Keith cursed. He tried to get the door to open, but the previous way in wouldn’t budge. Not sure what to do, he opened a comm link with Shiro.

“Hey, Shiro? Umm, the door kind of won’t open like we had planned?”

He only heard Shiro’s grunts on the other side. 

“I’m trying to hold them off, but there’s too many. Just try anything at this point.” Another grunt came from the speaker as an alien screamed in the background.

With that, the link between them closed. There weren’t many ways Keith could think of to get Lance out, so he did something any logical person would do. He picked up his blaster and aimed it at the door.

Surprisingly, the door had actually been flung from its hinges. Maybe he shouldn’t have been that proud, considering the door was meant to be inconspicuous and probably wasn’t the strongest, but hey—one of his battle-addled ideas had actually worked. Anyways, there was no time for that when saving Lance was the main priority.

Entering cautiously into the room, he turned and saw only one person in the room. Lance. He rushed to the mattress lying on the floor, the limp body lying lifelessly on top of it. Keith would never forgive himself if he was too late. Blood soaked the floor around him, already solidifying. 

Surely no one could lose that much blood and live, right? But this was Lance he was talking about, the one most likely to punch death in the face than any of the other paladins. Besides, he’d think that the aliens would want to keep him alive.

He knelt to pick the body up. As soon as they made it onto the ship, all will be fine and Keith could get Lance into a healing pod. It would be happily ever after.

Keith didn’t notice when eyes flashed green, and he was soon pushed down to his knees. Standing above him was an alien he had never seen before, and certainly would wish to never see him again. As soon as the alien had wrapped his hand around Keith’s throat, he began to struggle.

Right, shapeshifters.

Lance was positively horrified by what he had seen. First of all, his savior comes in, looking for him. Mistake number one. If you had asked him at a less vulnerable point, Lance would’ve told you that Keith is his rival, one he was definitely better than. Of course, anyone who had seen Keith in action would have scoffed at him for thinking he was better than him.

Obviously, he had known Keith was much better at well, practically anything Lance did. Although Lance was the sharpshooter of the bunch, given some time, he bet Keith would be better than him. This brings him to his second point.

Why would Keith ever choose to save Lance? Especially when both his and Shiro’s lives were at risk. No, they couldn’t have left him here like normal people, they had to go and interfere.

He was in a difficult situation right now, being tied and hung up in the closet would do that to you. Apparently the aliens were smart enough to sense a diversion, and apparently shifting into his body wouldn’t hurt them, as far as they could tell.

Now his teammate was being choked-half to death right in front of his face for no reason besides some nobility complex (Lance is pretty sure that’s a thing). 

Currently, he was bleeding out from a few different areas, and all they needed was his genetic code to shapeshift. Great, his last thoughts would be of failing his team, right when they need him the most.

Lance had finally accepted his inevitable demise when he had realized there was a hole in the door. It was small, something the size of a pencil would fit through, but glancing around the room, it was enough. 

There was a stick sharpened to a point, coated with some kind of liquid. Considering it was put into the pile of other torturing methods, they probably had wanted to use it on him. Well, they were certainly devoted to causing him pain, so either this would hurt so bad it could kill him, or it wouldn’t hurt him at all. He hoped it was for dealing with their kind.

Lance grabbed it. He didn’t have much time, he could already see Keith sputtering. From his angle upside-down, he lifted his arm and threw it. He hoped it had gone straight. Dizzy with blood loss, Lance passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are so amazing for getting me through this! First work is finally almost done. Thanks so much for reading and love you guys lots <3 As always, leave any comments on what you wanna see/constructive criticism. I always try my best to reply.


	12. [He] laughs like God/[His] mind's like a diamond

This was it, this was the end. Keith had a good run of it, but as always, good things must always come to an end. It was the one fact he knew throughout his whole life—no matter how great things get, they are bound to end eventually. He just never thought it would be like this.

Dots blurred at the sides of his vision. A single tear escaped, leaving a shimmery track on his otherwise unmarred cheek. He never thought he’d regret dying, but there was just so much more to it now that it was actually happening.

Maybe it was the fact that he’d never get the chance to protect Lance, to remind him how much he cared. Lance would never know how he tried so hard to reach him, to apologize for how he had treated him. He wouldn’t want to live in a world without Lance McClain, no matter whatever he had said before.

The hand gripping his neck grew tighter. If only he wasn’t so impatient, if he wasn’t so desperate to see Lance, to make sure that he was actually alive. In hindsight, he should’ve known they would have left a trap. There was no way they would leave Lance behind.

All his senses started to fade as he ran out of air. Keith had tried everything, struggling for not only his life but the wellbeing of Voltron. But, again, this was going to be his end. If only he had more time to say his goodbyes.

As soon as he began to fade into the unknown, the vice around his neck released. Keith was unceremoniously dumped on the ground as he heard a groan of pain coming from above. It seemed like whatever it was attacked with had shifted the creature into its natural form.

When reverted to its original form, the creatures were rather unassuming. Simply put, they were pink sphere-thingies with huge eyes. To be perfectly honest, the scariest thing about them was that one tuft of hair that seemed to defy gravity.

High-pitched noises came from the struggling creature. Saying Keith was confused was an understatement, he had no idea what was happening. Of course, he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t go to the creature and check it out. Besides, he wanted to get up close and personal with the alien which had most likely tormented his friend.

After a while, he was about to give up and comm Shiro (if he was still there), when he noticed a black spot spreading across pink fur. At the very center of the growth was what appeared to be a stake, impaled deep within its body. 

Now Keith was just more confused, as he was 100% sure that no one else was in the room when he had gone to retrieve Lance. The doors were locked, there weren’t any windows, but… Oh, that makes sense.

Maybe it was him just being paranoid, but he had the overwhelming urge to check all the walls, in case of any ones which were false. This was a base full of shapeshifters, some of the sneakiest aliens they had come across. It would make sense for their entire home to be booby-trapped.

Keith ran his hand over the walls, searching for an indent. After checking two of the walls, he finally found success on the one directly in front of the area where everything had happened. 

He was just about to use his bayard to slice through the door when he noticed a hole in the wall. Narrowing his eyes, he started to put the pieces together. Lance. Sharpshooter. Rescue.

Keith laughed. Now he knew Lance was alive and had actually saved him. They would talk about this later, about how he had practically saved the fate of Voltron.

Slicing through the wall, he looked inside the dark room. It was more of a storage supply room than anything, with racks full of clothing lining the sides. Considering the type of creatures they were, it was all probably from their earlier conquests.

Keith’s elation faded as soon as he spotted the unmoving body lying in the corner. Running to the fallen figure, he prayed for something, anything good. It wouldn’t be fair if Lance had saved his life only to die.

Hesitantly, he crept down, putting his hand on the other’s throat. There was a pulse, albeit unsteady. At least he was alive.

If he had noticed the bloodstains wrapping around Lance’s torso, or the pain evident on his face, he didn’t mention it. All he could do was take Lance’s body, and run.

“Shiro, do you come in?” Keith frantically asked into the comms. He had lost Lance, god forbid if he lost Shiro. In all the commotion, he had forgotten that there was also someone else struggling on the other line.

After a few seconds, a voice came onto the comms.

“Yeah, I’m f-fine.” A sputtered breath was drawn through the comms. “I don’t think I could hold them off much longer though.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got him,” Keith said. “Just get out of here and get back to the Black Lion.”

With that, Keith turned his comms off. Gripping Lance in his arms, he made his way to the Red Lion. With all of the shapeshifters on Shiro’s tail, there should be no problem making it out for both of them.

A pained moan sounded in the silent room. 

“Hey, Keith…” Lance gave him a disorientated smile. “How’s it going up there?”

Keith felt his heart sputter. He couldn’t deal with this right now, his heart was too weak. It wouldn’t matter if the end came right now, or in a few years. All I knew is that he wanted to go protecting this boy in his arms.

Keith laughed. “Yeah, it’s all well. We’re getting you out of here.”

“You mean that this isn’t a hallucination?” Lance’s eyes widened. “Y-you actually came to save me?”

Nevermind, it was the end. His heart shattered, pieces of it lying on the ground. With that, he ran even faster to his lion, Lance’s implications still ringing in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! I can't believe all the support I've gotten on here. You guys are the best! Let me know anything in the comments, criticisms, things you want to see, etc. Again, thanks so much for reading this far. <3


	13. Buy [him] tonight/[He's] still shining

Allura, Pidge, and Hunk were waiting anxiously in the castle.

“Shouldn’t we go and see what’s taking them so long?” Hunk said. This was taking a lot longer than planned. 

Allura paused in her pacing for a moment. “No, I don’t think so, they will be able to handle themselves. I have my utmost trust in them.” Despite this, her trembling arms and troubled eyes betrayed her confident veneer. 

Meanwhile, Coran was busy setting up three pods. He hoped that they returned unharmed, but that seemed unlikely, especially in number three’s case. No matter how much he didn’t want these pods used, they were a necessity—both for the missing paladins and his sanity.

It was better for them to return home and require the assistance of a pod than to return home without a heartbeat.

A loud commotion erupted in the hangers, both lions making it back successfully. However, the fate of their pilots remained unknown. With that, all of the remaining paladins rushed to the hangers. There, coming out of the black lion, was Shiro, looking definitely worse for wear.

“Where’s Lance and Keith?” Shiro ground out. “Are they here yet?”

“Perhaps we should get you in a pod first,” Coran said. After all, it wouldn’t do anyone any good for Shiro to be bleeding out on the floor.

“B-but…” 

“Coran is right, we need you in a pod.” Allura’s face left no room for discussion. “If both of them are injured, you’d only slow us down.”

Shiro finally admitted defeat, trudging after Coran. Pidge and Hunk were shocked, never having seen Shiro so compliant when arguing. 

Despite his mellowness, he had always fought for what he believed was right. It wasn’t like he made rash decisions and had to reflect back on his actions, so he was usually right. What had happened to make him like this?

However, they didn’t have much time to think about this when Keith stumbled out of the red lion, carrying Lance in his arms. Immediately, Allura helped them to where the pods were.

She didn’t think about the scars running up and down Lance’s arm, or about the obvious staccato of his breathing. And if you asked her later, she still wouldn’t say a thing.

Keith was the first to awaken, tumbling out of the pod unceremoniously. However before he could fall, someone yanked him to his feet. 

From above, Hunk peered down at him curiously. Obviously, he’d want to know all the details, but Keith had some more important things to do before then.

“Is Lance awake? Is he going to be okay? How long is it until I can—”

Hunk sighed. “Of course you’d want to ask about Lance first, but no, he isn’t awake, and yes, he will probably be okay. Just try to take a nap or something, and I’ll call you if either of them wakes up.”

He didn’t like it, but didn’t want to face the risk of Hunk actually throwing him into bed and making him sleep. Anyway, it’d be better to be alert when they finally discussed everything.

As expected, Shiro was the next one to pop out of the pod, steady on his feet. Hunk was about to say something before he was quickly interrupted. 

“Where’s Keith and Lance? Are they fine?”

“Yes, yes they are both fine. Keith’s awake, Lance isn’t,” Pidge said from the corner, exasperated from hearing what were practically the same words from Keith. “Gosh, now I know why you and Keith are such good friends.”

“Sorry, I’m just worried.” Shiro sighed softly. 

Hunk’s face softened. “We’ll let you know as soon as he wakes up, okay? Keith sleeping right now, and you should too.”

“Yeah, sure. Wake me up once Lance does.” With that, Shiro padded out of the room.

Still troubled, Hunk watched him leave. Everyone seemed off for some reason, like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop, only for the shoe to be invisible and traveling at the speed of light. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen.

The night passed and Lance still hadn't woken up.

To say breakfast the next morning was awkward was a huge understatement. It was stifling, each of them still waiting for the Blue Paladin to awaken. Considering they probably wouldn't eat anything anyways, they decided to head to the pods and wait for Lance.

While to others anxiously waited in silence, Keith and Shiro talked in hushed whispers.

“How badly was he hurt?” Shiro said. 

Keith winced. “I gotta say, it’s pretty bad. I don’t know if we're going to come back from this, especially the way we had all treated him before.”

“I had treated him the worst, you know.” Putting his face in his hands, he recalled every time he had hurt Lance. The memories seemed endless and those were only the ones he had remembered. Who knew how many times he had accidentally belittled or hurt him?

Lance would know.

“I know.” Those were the only words Keith could muster up, in an effort to both comfort Shiro and acknowledge what he had done. He was never the best at comforting others, but it seems like he would be doing that more and more.

The air grew uncomfortable as they pulled away from each other. Looks like there won’t be any more talking until Lance wakes up.

 _You mean this isn’t a hallucination?_ Those words drove him mad. He wanted to gut each and every one of them for hurting Lance like this, but there was nothing he could do but wait. It seems like he'd be doing a lot of that from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! I can't believe how many people showed support for this work, and I would like to thank you guys so, so much. As always, feel free to leave comments!


	14. Like lightning (woah)

Lance felt like he was floating. Not like he was sleeping on a cloud or drifting through space, but like he was floating on a bed of flowers in the middle of the ocean. It could’ve been weirdly specific, but hey, he had a lot of time to think about it.

It wasn’t a nice feeling. Rather than being fun or joyous, it felt more like he was lost to the waves. Although it was calm now, he knew the water would get stormy later, trembling in its might as it rolled over him.

Anyways, he would probably wake up soon, not that he was really looking forward to it. Yes, he did miss everyone and wanted to know how they were doing, but it just seems too soon. Shouldn’t he have some time to reflect on everything himself first? 

There were only two possibilities of this confrontation happening, and neither way was desired. Either he would be questioned until he would pass out from talking too much, or the whole team would walk on eggshells around him. Both scenarios would drive him crazy.

As soon as he finished this thought, hissing sounded in his ears, standard for the pod opening. He winced, prepared for anything that could happen. At the very least, he hoped someone would catch him.

Well, what he didn’t expect was being swaddled in arms clothed in red rather than yellow.

Keith grunted from the effort of catching him. “Hey Lance, how are you doing?”

Lance’s eyes widened. Well, this was already going better than expected, considering Keith of all people was holding him. 

“Umm, good considering that I nearly died, but I could be better.” He gave a slight smirk that he knew they’d see through if they knew him at all. Hopefully, they wouldn’t press any further despite this.

Shiro opened his mouth but closed it, probably thinking that it was better to not say whatever he was thinking. Lance almost sighed. He didn’t know what happened with Shiro, but knowing him, he was probably going to get scolded again.

“Hey, buddy, what do you want to do now?” Hunk said, eyebrows furrowed in concern. At least he was one person who didn’t act differently than he expected, being his normal caring self. Lance felt a little bad that he had judged them wrongly, but to be fair, in the past they had acted like that when he returned from missions with a few more bruises or scratches than he had before.

Realizing that everyone was still waiting for an answer, he responded. “Oh yeah, I’m just going to take a quick nap.”

“Yeah, sure. Feel free to take as much time as you need off.” Shiro said, nodding.

Lance had to ground himself before he almost fell in shock, although he could have always blamed it on the effects of almost dying. Wow, this day has already been full of unexpected, yet welcomed things. He probably shouldn’t jinx it, but he was glad all the same.

With that, he went into his room and tried to sleep, thinking of what he was going to have to say tomorrow. It was best to get it all out when it was still fresh in his mind, but it didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.

He woke up to the blaring alarm. Wincing, he pulled himself upright. Obviously, he still felt like crap, but he didn't want to further hurt the team. Besides, having Allura or Shiro shout at him again wouldn't be his idea of a good day.

Staggering into the room, he drew the eyes of the team. Their concerned faces peered up at him as they were ready to suit up.

“Lance...” Hunk said. “We talked about this, you can sit this one out if you want to. You need time to recover.”

“Don’t wanna be more useless,” Lance mumbled, his speech slurred. At this point, he could barely stand, but he didn’t want to forfeit his position on the team, even if it did mean that he would have to push himself harder than he ever had before.

Looking at the horrified faces surrounding him didn’t make him feel better. His lips trembled. Finally, they had realized that they could do so much better than him, that he could easily be replaced with someone stronger, faster—smarter. There was no reason for Blue to choose him in the first place, but now he finally understands. It’s for the real Blue paladin to take his place, whoever that may be.

“Oh Lance…” Allura said in a hushed tone, as almost as if she was comforting a child. He didn’t like being talked down to, but he could deal with it this once. After all, it’d be one of his last memories of her once he left.

“I’m sorry guys, I didn’t mean to fail you.” Tears were leaking out of his eyes now, but he willed them back.

Shiro made to reply, but Keith interrupted. 

“Lance, you didn’t fail us at all, we were the ones who failed you. I’ll make sure you’ll understand that soon, but we have to win this battle. It’ll be no trouble, and I’ll stay behind if you want me to. I-” Keith looked like he was going to say something else, but promptly shut his mouth afterward. Like that wasn’t totally suspicious.

“I-I understand.” Lance sniffled. “You don’t have to stay back.”

“Don’t worry my boy, I’ll still be here.” Coran’s voice boomed across the room.

Lance gave a choked laugh. Now there’s someone you can always count on.

“Are you sure you are going to be alright Lance?” Shiro said in the kindest voice he had ever heard from him. “Again, it’s totally fine not to be-”

“Yes,” Lance said, determined. He might not be as talented as the others, but he will make himself worth it.

 

Later while going on the mission, Shiro voiced what everyone was thinking. 

“Guys, I think we fucked-up big time.”

Keith gave a sad smirk. “Language.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I've taken so long to update. Things have gotten a lot busier and some things have been slowing me down (looking at you, mental health). Anyways, I'm still continuing this fic, but the updates will come really slow. As always, feel free to leave comments. Thank you guys so much for all the support that y'all have left on my works so far, it really brings a smile to my face.


	15. Finale

Lance was breaking down, and he had no idea why. He had just been saved from a race of sadistic evil aliens and wasn’t even yelled at, he had earned the kindness (or, he expected, pity) of his teammates, yet he still felt awful.

Coran was probably looking for him after he had left so suddenly, but he couldn’t stand to talk to anyone anytime soon, lest they see what a weakling he was. 

Sighing, Lance went back to bed despite it being four hours earlier than the time he’d usually sleep. After all, he deserved some rest—after everything that had happened to him, he was tired.

Lying down, he laid on his back, as if he could see the stars that were both his salvation and his pain.

By the time he came to, he stared into the faces of his team. All of their eyes were full of tears. It would’ve been a funny sight, if not for the solemn look on each of their faces.

As always, Keith beat everyone to the punch.

“How are you doing, Lance? Tell us how you really feel, not what you think we’d like to hear.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

Their silence was their answer.

Lance sighed. He knew what he wanted to say, but eloquence wasn’t coming to him right now to say the least.

“Guys, I promise you I just need time. Give me a day or two to process everything alright?” Maybe a day would help him get his head on straight. This feeling is probably something that will pass, right?

“Can you let us at least stay with you for the time being?” Shiro said. Their leader’s voice was choked up, quiet even in the silent room.

To say Lance was surprised was an understatement. He wasn’t used to this kind of attention, pity or kindness or otherwise. Usually, it would be a few questions and they’d move on. Either he looked really bad, or they really wanted to make up for something

“Why?” Lance said. “Why now, after everything?”

They all looked around at each other, unsure of how to respond. True, they had never done this before, but there was no time better than the present.

“We treated you like shit, and we are going to pay for it,” Keith said, in his usual blunt fashion.

Shiro gave him a pointed look. “What Keith means is that we haven’t been the best of friends lately, and we are looking to rectify that. No matter what it takes.”

“So you are saying that the only reason you are treating me like this now is because you feel bad about how you treated me before?” Lance said, unamused. Out of all the reasons for acting this way, this was the worst.

Pidge looked at Hunk, both wincing at the scene in front of them. Try as they might, Keith and Shiro were never going to be the best at words. They were tempted to step in, but it would be better to let them fix what they have done. Even if it pained them to see it.

“No, we’re doing it because you’re kind and sacrificial and god I sometimes want to punch your face, but you are too important to us for us to not treat you kindly.” Keith rambled on for a little longer before Shiro stepped in.

“Yeah, and you are part of the team, even if we didn’t really recognize it before. I’m sorry.”

Lance was conflicted. On one hand, they had promised to make things right, but on the other hand, they could still do it again. 

At this point, he didn’t really care for the future, just this present, where his friends cared for him and he could slowly heal. It might take months, or even years, but he’d get there someday.

He fell into his friend's open embrace and the future was golden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being on this journey with me! I know it has taken me a long time to update, but the finale is finally here. I'd like to thank you guys for being so nice and caring even when it's hard for me to put chapters out.


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